It's Time.....

I'm leaving.

Want to know about my new blog? Send me a comment and I will get you the address.........

This week.....

This morning on the way to work I was thinking back on this week, and how uneventful and quiet it has been, of course- Monday was eventful. But, everything turned out fine.

I have a test today, the first one of the semester, and as always I'm stressing myself out over it. I've tried to de-stress....ate chocolate and everything. Nothing is working. I'm just glad the test is at 9 am and I can get it over with and get back to work without thinking about it all day.

This weekend is going to be a lazy weekend. Nothing planned, just lots of sleeping and relaxing! I am looking forward to sleeping in past 6 am, and laying around in my PJ's all day if I want to. I really need to use my free time to get ahead on some homework, and prepare for next week, because it will be much busier than this week. I have an appointments on Wednesday and Thursday after work, and assignments due Tuesday and Thursday as well.

Well......that's all. Boring post I know - but nobody comments anyway :(
-A

Accomplish

My word for today: accomplish

Kinda lame, I know. But I have to stay motivated today or I may just fall asleep at my desk. It is not because of lack of work, it's just lack of motivation! I have a gazillion and one things to do.... such as:

• Update the manual (procedure guide incase I ever just don't come back..not likely to happen but you never know!)
• File File File (I hate filing)
• Clean up e-mail (I have a lot of people waiting for answers...need to get to them)
• Look at time cards (we have a online time system that we just started using, I need to look and make sure they're entering their time in regular time and not overtime....)
• Applicants....look at them, make sure they put all the required info....blah blah blah
• Clean off my desk! It is atrocious...I'm not kidding!

That's just a sample. And that alone will take me 2 days to get done because updating the manual takes thinking and concentration, and when do I have time to concentrate? I may just have to close my door for awhile this afternoon.

I also have quite a bit to do tonight, in addition to a meeting at the fire department - I need to plan a math lesson and review an entire unit for my class on Wednesday. Fun fun!

Happy Tuesday to y'all!
-A

P.S. One day.......I will write a post that is actually noteworthy!

Mid-Term? What!

I absolutely cannot believe how fast this semester is flying by. It is probably because I have been so busy, I really haven't had time to actually sit still and think about it.

I had planned on going home after work tonight and getting some school work done, but a friends husband had a heart attack this morning. She's 9 months pregnant, and at this point 1 week past her due date. I'm going to visit with her in the hospital tonight, and hopefully say a prayer with her. At last word, he was doing well and they were doing several tests on him to try to find the cause. He's in his early 20's, but it seems as though this might be a genetic issue, not so much a health issue.

The weekend was fairly uneventful. I ran some errands, went to the movies, shopped (as always) and relaxed as much as possible.

More later...
-A

Where is my motivation?

I have absolutely zero motivation today. I have no idea why, I just cannot seem to get my butt in gear and get things done. I would much rather curl up on the floor of my office and take a nice long nap.

On the way to work this morning, I slept in the passengers seat. I never do that, I have a huge fear of messing up my hair - which takes me a whole 20 minutes to do every morning. Then, I was sitting in class at 9:30 and I started nodding off. It was so embarrassing. I managed to stay awake, but it sure was hard. Now, I'm back at my desk and I've done nothing but read blogs, balance my checking account, and search for things online. I am just not myself today and I can't figure out what's wrong with me. I have absolutely no motivation.

I have a lot to do this week. Yesterday I worked my normal 8-5 with a class at lunch time, then went to a training class for the Fire Department (in the future referred to as FD), I got home around 10 and was asleep by 11:30. Today I am doing the same thing as yesterday, except I have a meeting at the FD tonight, not a class - so I should be home earlier. Wednesday night won't be busy, except I will need to use my free time to work on some homework. Thursday is packed full. I work (as per usual), class on my lunch break, haircut immediately after work, class at FD at 7. Then, I'm free all weekend.

I had some time to do some thinking this past weekend and I decided that I can't control what my Dad does, but I can control how it effects me, and reflects on me as a person. I am done making excuses for his behavior, and shying away from arguments. I am going to work on my relationship with God, and be mindful when reacting to a situation that involves my Dad. Mom, SIL, a friend, and I went to church on Saturday. It was nice to relax, listen to a message and take it all in. It was very important to my Mom, as she and I both believe that your faith in God will carry you though the hard stuff you encounter in life. We're going to start going regularly, I'm not going to go overboard and say we are going to go every Saturday, but we're going to attempt to go as much as possible.

I'm also going to make a valid effort to go do more fun stuff, that is a little out of the "norm" for me. We will see how that goes. Going out last Friday to a W*ii party was out on a limb for me, I almost always take someone with me when I go somewhere, but I drove there all by myself and I had a great time. I just hate doing things by myself all the time, but I guess such is the life of a single person.

Well, I'm going to work on that motivation I'm lacking and try to get something done before 5.

-A

Busy Weekend

Wow. I had a busy weekend, and it was great!

On Friday night I went to a friends house and we played with her W*ii. We did the "Dance Dance Revol*ution game". It was a workout, and a ton of fun! There were about 6 other women there, we played games and laughed our butts off.

On Saturday I went to church with Mom, SIL and a friend. It was a nice service and it felt good to be back in Gods house. Mom and I are going to start going again, I'm not sure about the other 2 ladies.

Saturday afternoon I had a wedding to attend, then Saturday evening was spent at home reading books and relaxing. A friend of mine came over pretty late, and we went and visited some other friends, then it was home and to bed.

On Sunday I had some shopping to get done, and a baby shower in the afternoon. The baby shower was fun, we played lots of neat games, and had a great time. Then in the evening a bunch of us played cards and hung out.

It was a good weekend, even better because I wasn't at home much!

-A

I wish there was a manual for life!

I do, I seriously wish there was a manual for life. Furthermore, I would like aforementioned manual to have all the answers in it. Anybody know where I can get one?

I tend to ignore "problems" but they always have a way of coming back around and getting under my skin again. I wish I could just accept them for what they are and move on. I know the saying "You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped" and I understand it, but that doesn't make it any better.

I'm talking about my Dad. He totally hates the relationship I have with my Mom and he will just loose it over random things for absolutely no reason, I am assuming this is because of his anger. I don't have any idea why he resents the relationship I have with my Mom, but I do know that he thinks she should give him her undivided attention 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. He's like a 5 year old that doesn't get his way if she decides to do something with me, or doesn't conform to his plans immediately.

The bad part is that this has been going on for a little over 5 years, and it is ridiculous. Soon after my 17th birthday, he decided I was a useless piece of crap. He even told me that, to my face. He broke my heart, stomped all over my feelings and degraded every ounce of confidence I ever had. When I was 18 I moved out into my own apartment, and that lasted for 2 years, until I needed to move home to finish school and still have money to live. I've been home for 2 years and I try very hard to stay out of his way, mind my own business, and pretend like everything is just fine. But, every now and then, he has his moments where he goes ballistic, and starts screaming and yelling at me for mundane things. I could go into detail and tell you every stupid, idiotic, immature thing he has ever done, but it would take me forever to write a post that long. I'll give you an example.....two weeks ago we were sitting at a fast food restaurant eating lunch, I had ordered and paid for my food separate than theirs and I they had begun eating while I was waiting for my food. I noticed that he had ketchup running all down his face and all over his hands. I handed him a napkin and he swatted it out of my hand, and threw (yes you read that right) his cheeseburger down on the table and stormed off to the bathroom like a 5 year old child that had just been scorned. However, he didn't do it quietly...nope. He screamed and yelled at the top of his lungs in the middle of the restaurant, called me every name under the sun and told my Mom to get in the car, they were going home. She told him she wasn't going anywhere, and her and I just sat there at the table. Mind you, the entire restaurant had looked our direction at this point and I just wanted to crawl under the table and hide. I figured he'd go in the bathroom, do whatever it was he was going to do, and come back to the table and act like an adult. Apparently that was too much to ask. He came back out of the bathroom and was screaming and yelling again. I just got up and walked out of the restaurant. I called my brother and he came and got me. I spent the whole night at my brothers house crying my eyes out, and every time my Mom called me to check on me, I could hear him screaming and yelling in the background. I went home late that night, after he was in bed, and went to sleep. That was well over 2 weeks ago. He acts like it never happened and he just goes on about his business....he's an ASSHOLE. I hate him and I'd be lying to you if I said I appreciated him or thought he was a good person.

All I can think about is graduating college, and getting away from him. He better pray to God that I one day decide I need my Dad in my life, or he will never see his Grandchildren. I'd never want my own children around someone as volatile as him.

My Mom is so lost. She's been married to him for 29 years and she won't just walk away from that. I know she would be ok, but she worries about him and what he would do, how he would live, and all the other little things you probably think about after you have built a life with someone who did a total 180 and turned your world upside down.

I think what I hate the most about the situation is, that my brother and I are good kids. We've never give him any trouble, or needed to be bailed out of jail, or picked up drunk anywhere. My brother went to college, worked a part-time job that was nearly full-time all through high school. He went to college, he never missed a day of class, he has a certificate for it (he went to a small technical school), and he has a degree. He bought a house, and married a nice girl. They both provide for themselves and never need or want anything from my parents. I'm doing the same thing. I worked all through high school, nearly full time as well. I held 2 or 3 jobs at a time when I was working on my Associates degree, and lived on my own. I paid all my own bills, on time, and provided for my self very well. I asked to move home so I could finish my bachelors degree, because I would eventually have to move home, in order to finish my degree I need to fulfill an internship requirement and to do that I need to quit my full time job. My brother and I also bought and paid for the insurance on any car we ever drove, paid 50% of all our medical bills (Mom pays the other 1/2 as long as we're in college). And no - their money is separate, he doesn't contribute a dime to any ting to do with me other than paying 1/2 the house bills...but don't worry - he charges me plenty of rent against my Mom's wishes. I wanted to pay rent, just not as much as I'm paying, but I can't do anything about him. I just live with it and hope that one day all my hard work with school will pay off and I can get away from him and his mind drenching attitude.

Had to vent.