I wish there was a manual for life!

I do, I seriously wish there was a manual for life. Furthermore, I would like aforementioned manual to have all the answers in it. Anybody know where I can get one?

I tend to ignore "problems" but they always have a way of coming back around and getting under my skin again. I wish I could just accept them for what they are and move on. I know the saying "You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped" and I understand it, but that doesn't make it any better.

I'm talking about my Dad. He totally hates the relationship I have with my Mom and he will just loose it over random things for absolutely no reason, I am assuming this is because of his anger. I don't have any idea why he resents the relationship I have with my Mom, but I do know that he thinks she should give him her undivided attention 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. He's like a 5 year old that doesn't get his way if she decides to do something with me, or doesn't conform to his plans immediately.

The bad part is that this has been going on for a little over 5 years, and it is ridiculous. Soon after my 17th birthday, he decided I was a useless piece of crap. He even told me that, to my face. He broke my heart, stomped all over my feelings and degraded every ounce of confidence I ever had. When I was 18 I moved out into my own apartment, and that lasted for 2 years, until I needed to move home to finish school and still have money to live. I've been home for 2 years and I try very hard to stay out of his way, mind my own business, and pretend like everything is just fine. But, every now and then, he has his moments where he goes ballistic, and starts screaming and yelling at me for mundane things. I could go into detail and tell you every stupid, idiotic, immature thing he has ever done, but it would take me forever to write a post that long. I'll give you an example.....two weeks ago we were sitting at a fast food restaurant eating lunch, I had ordered and paid for my food separate than theirs and I they had begun eating while I was waiting for my food. I noticed that he had ketchup running all down his face and all over his hands. I handed him a napkin and he swatted it out of my hand, and threw (yes you read that right) his cheeseburger down on the table and stormed off to the bathroom like a 5 year old child that had just been scorned. However, he didn't do it quietly...nope. He screamed and yelled at the top of his lungs in the middle of the restaurant, called me every name under the sun and told my Mom to get in the car, they were going home. She told him she wasn't going anywhere, and her and I just sat there at the table. Mind you, the entire restaurant had looked our direction at this point and I just wanted to crawl under the table and hide. I figured he'd go in the bathroom, do whatever it was he was going to do, and come back to the table and act like an adult. Apparently that was too much to ask. He came back out of the bathroom and was screaming and yelling again. I just got up and walked out of the restaurant. I called my brother and he came and got me. I spent the whole night at my brothers house crying my eyes out, and every time my Mom called me to check on me, I could hear him screaming and yelling in the background. I went home late that night, after he was in bed, and went to sleep. That was well over 2 weeks ago. He acts like it never happened and he just goes on about his business....he's an ASSHOLE. I hate him and I'd be lying to you if I said I appreciated him or thought he was a good person.

All I can think about is graduating college, and getting away from him. He better pray to God that I one day decide I need my Dad in my life, or he will never see his Grandchildren. I'd never want my own children around someone as volatile as him.

My Mom is so lost. She's been married to him for 29 years and she won't just walk away from that. I know she would be ok, but she worries about him and what he would do, how he would live, and all the other little things you probably think about after you have built a life with someone who did a total 180 and turned your world upside down.

I think what I hate the most about the situation is, that my brother and I are good kids. We've never give him any trouble, or needed to be bailed out of jail, or picked up drunk anywhere. My brother went to college, worked a part-time job that was nearly full-time all through high school. He went to college, he never missed a day of class, he has a certificate for it (he went to a small technical school), and he has a degree. He bought a house, and married a nice girl. They both provide for themselves and never need or want anything from my parents. I'm doing the same thing. I worked all through high school, nearly full time as well. I held 2 or 3 jobs at a time when I was working on my Associates degree, and lived on my own. I paid all my own bills, on time, and provided for my self very well. I asked to move home so I could finish my bachelors degree, because I would eventually have to move home, in order to finish my degree I need to fulfill an internship requirement and to do that I need to quit my full time job. My brother and I also bought and paid for the insurance on any car we ever drove, paid 50% of all our medical bills (Mom pays the other 1/2 as long as we're in college). And no - their money is separate, he doesn't contribute a dime to any ting to do with me other than paying 1/2 the house bills...but don't worry - he charges me plenty of rent against my Mom's wishes. I wanted to pay rent, just not as much as I'm paying, but I can't do anything about him. I just live with it and hope that one day all my hard work with school will pay off and I can get away from him and his mind drenching attitude.

Had to vent.