I've come to a conclusion....

Lately, I feel like all I do is think. I think about everything. I dissect every little thing that happens. I've come to believe that things happen for a reason, sometimes they're good and sometimes they're bed - but they have to happen for us to live and for life to go on.

Maybe everything that happens to us is to help us grow and become the people that God intended for us to become.

Dealing with the emotions that have come with Josh's illness, I've learned a lot about myself. I'm sure I will continue to learn even more about my self in the upcoming months.

One decision I've made since learning of the Cancer, is to take things as they are. No pessimistic or optimistic, just cut dry. No "beating around the bush".

We all have hard days ahead of us. Right now I'm dealing with them by crying randomly while driving down the road and hugging my pillow at night taking deep breaths trying not to hyperventilate because I get so emotional. I say prayers at random times, and little things aggravate me like mud on the floor mats in my car. I've got this "I want everything to be perfect" attitude, and I'm trying to train myself to understand that nothing is perfect.

I've got a lot of work to do, but I've made a promise to my self that I'm not going to miss out on a thing in life and I'm going to be happy while I'm here.

I believe you cannot truly be happy unless you know what matters the most....Love, God and Family.

~A